One Chord Wonder's Little Blog of Horrors

This one is unfinished. Oh well, I am tired and I have a busy day of nothing ahead of me.

1. Where were you 3 hours ago?
Getting raped by crazy pre-flop betting at a poker table.

2. Who are you in love with?
Myself.

3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?
No, I've never been very adventurous when it comes to all matters culinary. I wouldn't even put cheese on burgers until I was 12 or so. It was just too crazy.

4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
Well, I'm in my parents' house and my mom is a pretty typical Dr Phil loving suburban mom, so there's bound to be.

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
I don't remember. I don't go to malls very often. I'm not really anti-mall though. I'm just anti-people. I'm especially anti teenagers and housewives. But I'm actually all for pooling a variety of stores into one indoor, air conditioned, convenient location and rounding it out with a movie theater and a selection of restaurants. I'm totally for that. Shame about the teenagers and housewives.

6. Are you wearing socks right now?
Pfft. No.

7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?
Eh, it probably won't be worth $2,000 when I'm through with it. I tend to have that effect on automobiles.

8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
Over a year ago when I followed the Epoxies around Texas.

9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
I saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix along with the rest of the planet. Unlike the rest of the planet, I just thought it was OK. I really think the only appeal of the movies is to see a group of kids reach sexual maturity, like the Up documentaries, only for puberty.

10. Are you hot?
I'm just here to look pretty.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?slim fast or champagne?
I don't think I've ever drank either.

12. What are you wearing right now?
Cargo pants and an Adverts t-shirt.

13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
I just let the rain take care of it.

14. Last food that you ate?
I made these s'mores cupcakes that I don't think are very good. Still, I ate one because I spent forever making them.

15. Where were you last week at this time?
Like I can remember last week.

16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
I seriously doubt it.

17. When is the last time you ran?
When I was 14.

18. What's the last sporting event you watched?
I watched the basketball world series a few years ago when it was Detroit vs LA and Detroit just pummelled them even though every one on the LA team took paycuts just because they thought they'd be guaranteed a ring or a trophy or whatever they get for winning. I took some pleasure in that.

19. What is your favorite animal?
Right now I'm pretty thrilled to have these fist-sized frogs that come and swim in my parents' pool every night but leave or hide or something during the day. Man, they are the greatest.

I think if I had a daemon though, a la the Dark Materials trilogy, it'd be a bat.

20. Your dream vacation?
Probably just sitting around at home, going out to see movies here and there and such. I don't really like to travel during vacations. I realize you're probably sitting there thinking about how ignorant and narrow-minded I must be for not wanting to travel, but you can go fuck yourself.
I find the act of traveling (packing and plane trips and such) exhausting and since the average vacation is only a week or two, you feel like you have to do a shitload of stuff and not waste your time and that winds up being exhausting too. And on top of that, I don't think it's possible, at least not for me, to really get to know a new place in a week or two. So unless "dream vacation" can mean "Move around from place to place for the rest of my life, spending a year on two in each location without having to worry about money or jobs or anything of that sort", I'm not going with "travel".

21. Last person's house you were in?
Corinne's parents.

22. Worst injury you've ever had?
I've never had a really bad one. I've had to get stitches twice, but for stupid things.

Let's just say I got bit by a shark when I was 8, because that would have been cool. At least in retrospect it would be cool. At the time, it would probably suck.

23. Have you been in love?
I stalk myself.


24. Do you miss anyone right now?
I'd like to see Corey again, but with my current schedule and the current rate of gas, Katy might as well be in Japan.

25. Last play you saw?
I don't know, but it was probably shit. Most plays are shit. I used to like plays and musicals as a kid, but after I started getting into movies, they seemed stupid, pretentious, and childish. There's something embarrassing to me about adults "putting on a play."

I still like opera and Shakespeare though, so go figure. Something about those transcends all the silliness. That or just haven't gotten rid of all my pretense yet.

26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
Whenever I discover it, you'll be the first to know.

27. What are your plans for tonight?
I'm going to sit at Borders and watch rabid children running around in wizard costumes.

28. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?
I left a consoling comment on the profile of my favorite Last Comic Standing comedian (who was booted off, of course).

29. Next trip you are going to take?
You can see above where I bitch about travel. I don't remember the question number, but I'm sure you can find it. I believe in you.

30. Ever go to camp?
a couple of times as a kid. Didn't like it then. Wouldn't like it now.

31. Were you an honor roll student in school?
I was. And I was one of those annoying ones that didn't put forth all that much effort either yet still managed to get a better grade than you. Of course, it screwed me in the end because I went to college with next to no study skills and the "I'll just teach myself everything the night before the test" mentality and now I'm quite the opposite of an honor roll student.

32. What do you want to know about the future?
I'd like to know when I'm going to die. OKCupid says I'm going to die in a month, but the Deathclock is giving me another 20 years. They're toying with me.

33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
I'm just wearing my own pungent stench.

34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
I've gone to the doctor's more time this year than the rest of my life combined, I think. Thank you, OKCupid, for the paranoia. I doubt I'll go again unless my side starts hurting again.


35. Where is your best friend?
Undiscovered

36. How is your best friend?
See above.

37. Do you have a tan?
I do, actually. I still paler than everybody, but I should be even paler.