One Chord Wonder's Little Blog of Horrors

1. What is your favorite street sign and why?
Well, I can tell you that I hate "Megan Street", because I have to listen to my little sister say (either in person or in my head) "You know, one day I'm going to steal that sign" every time I pass it. I don't know why, because her name is Dorothy.

No, I'm kidding. Her name is Megan.

2. Who is one person you go out of your way to avoid?
The cast of Everybody Loves Raymond


3. Quick- tell me three things about your number one friend!
He is the coolest guy in the world
He is married to or living with or something the coolest girl in the world
I have never met nor seen either one of them


4. What celebrity would you most like to join on a train ride through eastern Europe?
Scott Walker

5. Referring to the celebrity you selected in question 4, what would you get them as a souvenir of your trip together?
A slab of Eastern bloc bacon

6. Think of all the education that you received. What class (not just a subject- a specific class) did you hate the most and why?
Probably this Shakespeare class at Macalester. The professor was 200 years old and super conservative academically speaking. There was an urban legend about him being a chemistry professor once, then being invovled in some classrom explosion. And while he recuperated in the hospital, he started reading Shakespeare and became a fanatic. The point of the urban legend was to explain the way he graded our papers, which was with the surgical precision of a scientist. I've always been considered by my professors to be a decent paper writer (let's face it: some people have a way with words and others....uhh, errr....not have a way? - Steve Martin), but he always tore the shit out of mine.

One of my other professors saw me looking over one of my papers, which was so marked up in red that you couldn't even read the original black ink, and expressed sympathy that I had to take a class "with that asshole", who according to her, was always just an asshole and never a chemist.

That said, I grew to like him by the end of the semester (as did the only other 4 - down from about 30 - remaining students in the class). That said, he's probably dead now.

7. Recommend a TV show I should see. If you're one of those self-important hipsters whose knee jerk response is "I don't watch TV," then tell me where you get off thinking the sun rises and sets out of your ass.
Veronica Mars is my currently airing pet and I've started what I think is a fairly successful crusade to get other people to watch it (I'm pretty sure I'm the only reason it wasn't cancelled after season 2), but it has been spotty this season so I might have to be on the lookout for a new flavor of the month.

As for shows long gone, Twin Peaks.

Or you could give up on tv for now and play Dragon Quest 8, now available for the PS2 at a reasonable price. Very reasonable considering the 100+ hours of gameplay.

8. If you had to spend $100 on the person who posted this bulletin before you, what would you buy for them?
A robot toy for Owen


9. What is your biggest complaint about MySpace?
That a multi-billion dollar site never actually works properly. It has more errors than I had on all those Shakespeare papers put together.

10. What time is it right now?
1:56 in the a.m., Wednesday, May 02, 2007 A.D.

11. Write a three sentence story about a Ford Taurus.
How about a limerick instead?
There once was a blue Ford Taurus
Owned by a slut named Dolores
She ran into a pole
Death took its toll
They could only find her head

12. Grade the story you just wrote (be objective!)
The Shakespeare professor would have given it a D because of my lousy meter and tasteless rhyming scheme.

13. What is one thing that you should have done that you have yet to do?
I should have had my tonsils removed in elementary school. I am a procrastinator.

14. Tell me something I probably don't know.
What I don't know could fill a dictionary

15. What is your favorite t-shirt?
The razorblade one I got at a Buzzcocks show. It is all faded and cracked now, sadly.

16. Describe something you might do to get attention in a large crowd.
I keep to the shadows.

17. How are you doing with your New Year's Resolutions?
Resolutions?

18. Fast Times at Ridgemont High or Caddyshack?
Fast Times

19. Tell me about a silly purchase you've made in the last year.
I bought a sword at the Renaissance Festival, even though I was all "What's there to buy at the Renaissance Festival? A sword? What the fuck do I need a sword for?" before going. I didn't even really buy a sword. I bought a sword in a box that I was not allowed to open (and therefore see the sword I had bought) until I was off the fairgrounds - and that's what killed me. I had to know what was in that box. I paid $20 to find out what kind of sword was in a box. I am the biggest sucker for the easter egg surprise ever.

But it is a pretty cool sword. It just sits around my room in its sheath totally useless, but looking kind of cool.

20. What do you have on your refrigerator door?
Some bad drawings that I did myself.

21. If you had to give up baseball or beer, which would you give up?
I could give up both in a heartbeat and never look back.

22. Do you believe our cell phones are wiping out the bee population? And how easy would it be for you to give yours up?
I haven't heard this story. I'd be open to giving mine up, but not to save the bees.


23. Scientists discovered a new mineral, which has the same properties as Kryptonite. If you were given this mineral, and it would foil your arch nemesis, HOW would you make sure they got it, and WHAT would you do, once they were out of your way?
I'm not a doctor or anything, but if something has the same exact properties as Kryptonite, wouldn't it actually be Kryptonite? I mean I'm pretty sure if a = b, then b = a. That said, I'd probably A) throw it at them B) cackle.

24. If you were told that you had to go back in your life and change one thing...and no copping out with the "I wouldn't change a thing" answer....what would it be?
I wouldn't have eaten that M+M.


25. Answer quickly: chicken or egg?
chicken

26. (In memoriam of my Subway days....)
White or Wheat? White
Footlong or 6"? Footlong. When I worked at MRC, I used to get the largest size at Quizno's at lunchtime, challenge myself to eat it all by the end of the day, and then email everyone in the office (well, my friends in the office anyway, of which there were 3) announcing when I had finished it off.
American or Provolone? Swiss
Oil or Vinegar? Lather it up with oil
Salt or Pepper? Salt
Here or to Go? to go

27. What is your favorite professional sport and why?
Jai-Alai. I don't see any need to explain.

28. So, over all, how retarded was the original writer of this survey? Do you think they were born that way or is it self inflicted?
We're none of us perfect.

29. What’s your favorite quote (And I’m talking like a *real* quote, not your own personal motto. Meaning, cite who said it—it’s not hard to Google quotes, so Google away if you need to.)
There was a little Spanish Flea. A record star he thought he'd be. He'd heard of singers like Beatles and The Chipmunks he'd seen on TV. Why not a little Spanish flea? - Homer Simpson

30. would you rather watch Growing Pains or Full House?
Full House by a longshot.

31.If you could have anything to eat right now ( regardless of calories, availability, allergies etc. )what would it be?
The heart of an unborn child. Or doritoes.

32. If your life were made into a movie and you could pick ANY actor/actress in the world to play YOU, who would you pick and why?
Gisele Budchen. Because why not?

33. What is the silliest thing you have set to record on your TIVO?
I don't have TIVO, but I'd record the kids version of Trading Spaces. I used to have my tv set to search for any and all episodes of Top Cat and alert me as to when they'd be on.